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Saturday, 21 January 2012

Question time...

Questions, questions, questions....
I often ask questions that I don’t really want to know the answer to. This is usually because I already know the answer but some strange morbid curiosity makes me want to hear it said out loud. I do this time and time again. The thing is that all would be ok if I could just let it go. I cant. I worry and that's when the trouble starts.
Usually the question and foreboding answer will involve a topic which will make me feel innately bad, either about myself, a situation or the other person. No good comes from this type of question.
Law school training includes learning that you should never ask a question without knowing the answer...
So why would I need to hear it said? Is it that I have some sadomasochistic tendency towards self anguish? Or is it just that I crave the truth? The problem with the latter is that when you have the truth then you have to deal with the consequences and sometimes that is not an easy task. Is ignorance bliss in this situation?
Well no probably not. With most things I believe that you should believe your gut instinct. That somewhere deep inside, you usually know the truth. Perhaps therefore it is your subconscious that pushes you to ask the question and obtain an answer. That way it becomes part of your conscious thought and you can deal with it.  That way you don’t bury your head in the sand and wait for the storm to build and build until it erupts out of all control.
Largely I think that pride makes me push for am answer.  I'm like a woman possessed. All my cross examination training comes into play and like a dog with a bone I'm going in for the kill.
Anyway, I'm sure this is something not individual to me. I've been on the receiving end of this style interrogation. I've known that the answer would cause more damage than good. I suppose that is what happens generally. Often answers are hidden for the ‘greater good’ that is that you simply want to protect those around you and not that you are seeking to deceive them.
And maybe that is a good thing. Because let’s be honest, life can be tough and sometimes we all just need a security blanket to wrap around ourselves and our own little world....

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