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Sunday, 8 January 2012

Back away from that hutch...


You think its just women that are odd.....
Society has a host of names for women that they class as exhibiting ‘stalker’ style behaviour. These range from mildly insulting and laughable to downright derogatory and defaming.
There never seem to be words on par to explain the same kind of behaviour in males. Does this mean that they have complete immunity from acting in such a fatal attraction manner? Are such words not needed?
I'm not suggesting that this is a man –v- woman situation. Its not. There genuinely are those members of the human race who dedicate way too much time in pursuit of loves unrequited young dream. People that cannot seem to grasp the concept of a polite rejection.
I think that the media goes a long way to highlight that this can be the case in a woman to man scenario. Do they ever really highlight the situation in reverse though? Probably not as much.
But it certainly does exist.  
I can quite honestly tell you that I have had more bad experiences with men than they have ever had with me. Sure I have been called a psycho....a slag.....a bunny boiler.  In reality, I am none of these.
I can assure you that I am not writing this blog to make myself look good in any way.
This is just my limited experience of negative attention I have received from member s of the opposite sex. All attention either positive or negative has been limited!
One tale is following the breakdown of a relationship. The other is the story of a (ex) friend of mine who suddenly decided that he had an unrequited infatuation.
Im not trying to make out that I am some kind of man magnet. Im not. The blog isn’t about that at all. Its about getting these tales off my chest. They both worried me for some time. I have felt limited by the actions of these two men. I hope that by writing about my experiences it will somehow lighten the load for other who may find themselves with similar unwanted attentions.
 You see both of them were fairly manipulative. That seems to be a trait in this kind of man. For that reason I felt guilty that I didn’t want to be with them. This is ridiculous. You should never feel forced to be with anyone.  You can’t force someone to love you.
I have at times been prone to my own bouts of ‘odd’ behaviour. This is usually late at night after copious amounts of alcohol. It also usually involves texting. This is always an error. But that's by the by and I’m sure I’ll get around to my regrets at a later stage. In any case I'm now all loved up as it were so I can’t have been that much of a socio psychopath!
I can state, without any shadow of a doubt that I have certainly met men with very bizarre, possessive and downright scary traits.
I know that this is not a problem which I alone have encountered. Its an “across the board” issue. Its something I think most men and women experience at least once during their lifetime. The fact is that we simply cannot reciprocate all affection lavished in our direction. Our chemistry will not allow us to do so.  There is just no attraction. No buzz. Nothing. We cant help that.
So we will start with number one. I’ll call him that as I would hate to be sued. I'm certainly not giving him any of my money.  
Looking back, he was everything you would not wish to find in a man...or a woman ...or anyone...
Sure you can look back and think that past relationships were bad, painful even.  He was more than that. He should never have happened. He should have not even been an infringement on a memory. The truth was at the end, he grated on my soul. He took a large chunk of it for a while too..
This may all sound a bit deep. It’s not really. It’s simple. He was a prick. He full on financially raped me over the two years we were together. He cheated on me repeatedly. He left to go to mummy for long periods of time and act as though he was a singleton (he never cut the apron strings in the slightest).  I dumped him by text (harsh I know...it will play out...i promise you will be on my side...)
The thing is that this should have been the end of it but it wasn’t, I could not get rid of him.
At first he just used to turn up at my house. No warning. Then he’d cry.
I had ‘found myself again’ and wanted to be out and about, not sat at home listening to him sob through the reasons we should get back together. There was no chance of this happening in the slightest so why should I sit through all this rubbish.  
You see once I realised that I had never loved him in the slightest and had seen that he had treated me like crap, it was easy to just want rid. I wanted him gone. I didn’t want to have to look at his face.
You would think that at this point he would have taken the hint? Nope... not in the slightest.
He sent flowers all the time (expensive ones despite being unemployed) he emailed, text and rang me none stop. Bear in mind that I was working full time as a trainee and covered a vast majority of our night rota myself (being the most junior member of the department). This was not what I needed.
To start with I felt sorry for him (I don’t know why...I’m just a worrier)...then I got annoyed. Now I just ignore him. That's right I said now....years down the line.
He’s still trying to contact me on a fairly regular basis. He has a girlfriend. He knows I have a partner and we have a baby and still he rings, texts and emails regularly. I ignore them all and hope that it will stop. Sometimes it does for a while then it starts again. What a loser.
This isn’t the only encounter of this kind that I have had. A friend of mine also went a bit odd. I say friend but he was someone that I really only knew through work. I pitied him really. He was a bit a nerd you see. In every way.
It started with rather small things. He commented on everything I did or said on facebook. I mean to a ridiculous extent. Like way over the top. So much so that other people started to comment about his commenting. It became a bit of a joke.
 Then he started to ring me all the time. For hours. Even if I tried to end the conversation he would just keep talking.
 He would go in moods if I went out with my boyfriend (who is now the father of my child).
He once rang me repeatedly when he knew I was with my boyfriend and played “suicide is painless” into my voicemail. (he later denied all knowledge of this and tried to blame some kind of phone malfunction...).
He tried to talk me out of being with my boy slagging him off to me at every opportunity...even though they had never met.
On and on this went. Then he started to change. He went into dark moods. Slagged me off to all and sundry. Really nasty stuff. It was clear we were no longer friends. On further exploration of this sudden change, he revealed that he was in love with me and that he couldn’t bear to not be my boyfriend. He begged me to end things with the boy and be with him.
What??
I turned him down as nicely as possible. He upped his slagging off vendetta. He implied that we should be together and once we were then he would stop slagging me off to anyone that would listen.
Why can people not take no for an answer? Do you really think that that kind of psychotic behaviour would make me think: “yeah now he is the guy I was looking for. If only he had gone all psycho on me earlier, we could have saved so much time”
For ages I didn’t know what to do about this situation. I really worried about it. Then I decided to be honest. If people asked why we weren’t friends anymore I replied with “because he’s in love with me and I rejected him.”
Harsh but it worked. He lost his handle. His power over me was gone. He thought I would be too polite to rat him out. For once, I wasn’t.
So you see both men and women can be quite strange. I guess that it can become a kind of obsession. Its not limited to one sex or the other. There just aren’t as many words to describe the ‘unfairer’ sex. That does not mean that it does not exist. It does.
The key is not to make it an issue in your life. Its their problem not yours. If it gets too much then don’t feel too polite to take appropriate action to make it stop. That might mean reporting them or just telling them that their behaviour is not acceptable.  Just make sure that you are careful.
Don’t let their demons rule your life. Its your choice not to be with them and you’re well in your rights to have made it.
There’s truth in the fact that love can lead to obsessional madness. I just hope that I never have to encounter such behaviour ever again. It really is tiring and troublesome. Especially when you try not to offend or upset the one who has morphed into a more unhinged version of glen close.
...feel better now that's off my chest at least! 

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