Cosmic karma?

Balancing the good and the bad...

The cosmic balance is an interesting thing.

Does Karma really exist? Is it something we invent to make ourselves feel better when things don’t go to plan? Are those that really wrong us somehow in turn wronged by the entire universe?

Perhaps. Or perhaps it’s just a 'happy' coincidence when things don’t go to plan for those we despise.  Should we delight in the misfortune of others or are we just leading the way to more bad karma for ourselves?

Perhaps the fact is that we look more closely at the lives of those that we think have crossed us. That because we suddenly put their lives under the microscope,  we notice when things go wrong for them. That the things would have still happened, even if we were all best friends but we would have just perceived that in a different, less victorious light. in fact we probably would have been saying to them that all would b evened out by karma... 

Sometimes though whatever the reason, it appears nice to see ill deeds befalling those who have previously taken such glee in our own hardships. Maybe that's why we get such a smug satisfaction. Either that or it really is just an adjustment in a big universe. A mere alteration in the fabric of destiny. Swathed and hemmed to even the score. But who is it keeping score anyway? Surely its entirely depedant on circumstance, situation and of course who's side you're on...

It depends I suppose on whether you really believe that there is a grand scheme. Sure people always talk about “the grand scheme of things” and leaving things “to fate”. Does that really happen? Are we simply beings with no control of our own destiny? And surely if that is the case, what is the point of trying to do anything differently? Is it just an excuse used by those who want to relinquish responsibility of their deeds?

What’s interesting I find is the attitude people have against others. They cant just live and let live as it were. They have to try and make life as miserable as possible for others. It is those people who I think come a cropper. It is those who have the most miserable existence.

Lets face it, if you feel that in order to make yourself happy, someone else must suffer, that's  never going to make for a fairytale ending. Look at Disney. Learn from the wicked witch. Its never good for the enemy. The instigator of misery.  Are we not then making our own bad karma? Our own misery?

I believe that we should all just live our own lives, having regard for those around us and with a smile on our faces. If you can’t make yourself happy then who else has even a slight chance of doing so. if you focus on the negative then surely it will always be inevitable outcome?

If you wallow in the sadness of others. If you bask in their downfall. If you wish for them to come a cropper. Surely that's to your own detriment. You’re mainly going to make yourself unhappy.

I have no answers.

So karma may exist. The universe may need to balance. But why be the person that throws it off kilter in the first place....

Customer service?

Service please??

What is it with poor customer service? Do I need attitude whilst parting with my hard earned pennies? Is it a prerequisite to be rude to every person you meet? Whatever happened to good manners?

I could cite many examples where shop assistants, call centre staff and waiting staff have been unduly and undeservedly impolite. I won’t because it will enrage me. Besides it appears to be endemic and getting worse.

I think that fundamentally the problem is that many of those in the customer service industry think that they are simply too good for the job that they are doing. This may be the case. You may aspire to a different vocation. The thing is that you should aim to do everything you do well. If you can’t do jobs that you deem to be ‘below you’ well then you’re not setting a very good precedent for your future ventures. Its also not a good advert to anyone you may meet again in the future. And you really never know when that may be or in what circumstances.

I state at this point that I am never rude to people serving me or dealing with my issue on the telephone. Ever. I think manners go a long LONG way and they truely something we should take pride in. After all a please and thank you really doesn’t cost anything.  But it earns you a lot of respect. Certainly from me.  

I’ve done all manner of jobs. I’ve cleaned hospitals, cooked in old peoples homes, cold called people about glazing they dont want, worked in a call centre both inbound and outbound, served in shops, stacked shelves and waited in restaurants. I'm not unaware of how gruelling it can be to serve the public. Believe me i currently deal with some of the most unpleasant people you could ever dream of meeting. My job is to smile. To make it seem better. Less painful. They deserve that. So do customers. So why is it so intrinsically difficult?

Lets be honest, we know that there are those customers who like to be rude. Who like to make people feel subservient to them. Who want to exert 5 seconds of power over another human being.  I get that from clients too. I wholeheartedly agree that this is behaviour which must be stamped out. I will join in with the stamping.

What I'm talking about is rudeness from those providing a service. Unprovoked rudeness stemming from what appears to be a hangover of  teenage attitude problems. And they have got it big style. No smile. No please or thank you. No words at all. Just grunting. Holding out their hand for you to deposit your money in.  I object to this kind of “service”. After all if people didn’t shop in the store they work in, surely they wouldn’t be needed to work there?

That said I'm often bowled over by the helpfulness of other people. The kind smile. The time they devote to each customer to ensure that they are happy with their purchases/service. I enjoy basking in the pride they take in their jobs. Its infectious and inspires me to go that extra mile for others as well.

I think that people over the phone can be just as bad as those serving you face to face, if not worse. They of course have the benefit of a certain level of anonymity. They are removed from the situation.

 I recently received a letter which I objected to, from a well known supermarket chain. The letter was quite threatening in nature and was about being in their car park over a certain time limit. I should point out that at the time I was spending money in their store and coffee shop. As was a friend of mine who also received a letter.

I contacted their customer ‘helpline’ whereby  I was told by Sam, that although they valued my custom, if I didn’t like it then I could always shop elsewhere. I confirmed that I would do so without further ado.  I'm pretty sure that this approach wasn’t taught during telephone training sessions. At no point was I rude to her. I just indicated that I wasn’t happy with the content of the letter.

I wrote to the store about this issue. I mentioned that maybe their staff hadn’t adopted the most customer orientated attitude.  No response was ever received. 

I no longer shop with them and as every little helps, I'm hoping that eventually they will feel a change in tide of people willing to part with their money when such poor service is offered. They will never get a penny more of mine.

I firmly believe that the only way to tackle the issue of poor customer relations is to boycott the product/service/store concerned. Yes you are a little fish in a big sea. Yes they think that they have enough customers so as not to notice the loss of one or two....

The thing is that it will make you feel better.

Shops underestimate consumer power. They forget the old adage that an unhappy customer will tell at least 5 other people. I know that on the basis of my experience, none of my family now shop in the store above. If that ripple effect were to continue then it could easily decimate a company’s customer base....

What I'm saying is that if you’re not happy with a product or service then stop using it. That's the only way to really make a stand against corporate giants peddling below standard customer services.  In today’s financial climate it could make a really big difference.

A meaty issue...

A meaty issue....

I’ve been vegetarian since I was 4 years old. That's pretty much as long as I can remember. I can’t remember a time when I ate meat. Its never been an issue for me.

I'm nearly 6 foot and certainly not skinny. I’ve never lacked nutrients or had any deficiencies. I carried my daughter to 42 weeks and she weighed a very respectable 9lbs 10oz. Clearly not eating meat hasn’t done me too much harm.

Why then must people continually try to sway me to eat meat? Why must every meal with new people have to start with a heated debate about whether or not I should even be vegetarian. How my choice has impacted on their lives and why I really should just give it up now.

The thing is I want to be vegetarian. I choose not to eat meat. Its my absolute right to choose not to eat meat. Its also my right not to have to explain why i don't every 5 minutes.

At university fellow students took pride in trying to get me to eat meat. People more recently have also thought that it would be ‘funny’ to trick me into eating meat. They've tried to 'hide' meat amongst other food stuffs in the vain hope that i'll just munch it all down and not notice. What is the point in that?  Its not funny. Or big. Or clever. In fact its selfish and ignorant and disrespectful. Those people are no longer friends of mine.

I’ve encountered a lot of brief vegetarianism. That's people who are vegetarian for a very short period of time. They tend to have very radical views. They lecture fellow vegetarians on what they should and shouldn’t eat and generally make it all a competition as they strive to be vegetarian of the year. Invariably they are eating meat again before the year is out.

My objection is being questioned relentlessly about it. I bet I have more arguments for why I'm vegetarian than why people eat meat. I think the problem people have is that they think its different. That in some way I'm purposely being awkward. I'm not. If its a problem then that's fine.  Its never been a problem for me.

So I’ve decided to once and for all answer questions I'm popularly asked. I'll be referring people here as and when these questions crop up. It's like a 'frequently asked question' section of my life. I hope it helps you too should you have any questions or want any ready made answers.

Here goes;

1.       Why are you vegetarian?

I'm a vegetarian for moral reasons. I simply don’t agree with killing another animal for our own purpose. I cant bring myself to eat flesh for this reason. That's all it is. I'm the only vegetarian in my family. These are my views, not theirs. I'm not ‘new age’ or ‘hippy’ or trying to be trendy. That's just the way I think and the way I am.   

Because I’ve been a vegetarian for so long, its not something which I wake up and think about each day. Its not a conscious thought. Its just the way that it is. That its always been.

I like being vegetarian as I couldn’t bear to eat meat. That said its my individual choice. I respect that other people want to eat meat and that's just fine by me. I'm not trying to ‘recruit’ other members to the veggie club. I'm quite happy in my own world, even if I'm the only member. After all if it makes a difference to me then it makes a difference to the world.

2.       Do you wear leather?

No.  Leather is a by product of the meat trade and I’d quite happily do without both of them to be honest. Most shoes are now no longer leather as it’s become expensive to produce in comparison to man made products.  That said again i can appreciate that other people want to wear it. Similarly i would never wear fur....but thats another issue not for now.

3.       Don’t you lack nutrients?

No. I never really have. Not even as a child. Whilst pregnant I took iron tablets towards the end of my pregnancy as I had  very slight iron deficiency. This was a lot less of a deficiency than some of my meat eating friends when they were mothers to be. As I’ve already said, she was born naturally at almost 42 weeks. Cant have been that bad for her then.

4.       But we’re meant to be carnivores and eat meat?

Actually we’re omnivores. That mean

 we eat meat AND vegetables. In fact we eat a lot more meat now than we have ever done and this is likely down to the ease and relative cheapness at which it can be obtained.

 If we actually had to go and hunt meat ourselves would we eat so much? I doubt it. Clearly we can survive without meat as many hundreds of people manage to survive without any vegetables. I’ve seen them on Jeremy Kyle.

Lions are carnivores. An entire pride only hunts once about every week and they share the kill. Even they eat less meat than we do now!

5.       But our eyes are at the front of our heads and that means we're designed to hunt?

This is one of my absolute favourites. How often have you seen people actually going on a hunt? Or in anyway getting involved in the slaughter/preparation phase? Errr never that's when!

 When it comes down to it people like their meat in nice pre prepared packaging with as little connection to where it came from as possible.  How many people would want to actually kill their own meat? Very few I would venture to guess.  This has to be the lamest argument ever!

6.       If we were all vegetarian the cows/sheep/pigs just wouldn’t exist. Surely that would be worse?

Really? Hmmmm. Breeds we don’t eat still exist. They dont automatically become extinct because they're no longer on our menu. We don't eat human flesh and we're not extinct...

The fact is that yes they wouldn’t exist on such a mass scale but that's because we wouldn’t be mass farming them. There’s a reason meat is so cheap and usually that's to the cost of the livestock.

 I think I’d be happier if there were fewer animals living in better conditions than more animals living in filthy cramped conditions.

We have more animals now than ever before. That's because we are told that we need meat at every meal. We don’t. We never had it before. Previously people kept there own cow or pig and maybe some chickens and ate meat relatively scarcely. There was a lot less wastage that way as well.

7.       So you don’t eat dairy?

Yes, yes I do. That's because I'm a vegetarian, not a vegan. I eat eggs, cheese and drink milk. All free range of course and preferably organic.

8.       So you eat fish?

Errr no I'm really a vegetarian. That means nothing with a face. No meat no fish and also no chicken (yes I know that's meat, other ‘vegetarians’ however often still eat chicken!!) Why class fish as a different type of produce to meat? Essentially I couldn’t bring myself to eat anything which had to be killed first.

9.       But surely the vegetables are killed?

Another old time favourite. If you think that and have it on your conscience shouldn’t you be the vegetarian?

There is a diet called fruitarian where people only eat produce which has naturally fallen from the tree. Each to their own. This isn’t however my view.

Ill quite happily eat vegetables and fruit as they are different to meat and fish. Entirely different. For one they do not have brains. They don’t have eyes. They don’t breath through a respiratory system.

So yes they are a living organism but they can be completely distinguished from meat and fish. Even Buddhist monks eat fruit and veg.

10.   Will you make your baby be vegetarian too?

I used to get asked this about my dogs. The answer is the same for both. NO! It was my choice to be vegetarian and if my baby wants to eat meat when she’s older then that's fine. The same goes for if she doesn’t. The point is that it has to be her choice.

I also cook meat often for my partner and family. Its their choice to eat meat and mine not to.  I'm not going to try and ‘convert’ them to vegetarianism. I think that would do the image more harm than good.

My point in this blog is basically that whatever people believe they should or shouldn’t eat is fine. It shouldn’t be a point of debate. I don’t preach at others about eating meat and I don’t want to be preached at in return.  Live and let live! (quite literally from my point of view!!)

So sue me...

They would all sue the shirt off your back if they could.......”

I don’t really want to talk about work too much as I feel that it Is

a) potentially very boring

b) likely to get me fired/sued

c)not going to solve any rage issues.

There are however certain elements that are interlinked with annoyances in my actual life. Thats right I just referred to it as an “actual life” as in outside of my professional life. Believe me I would rather the two parts of my life stayed entirely separate and that there was no cross over whatsoever. Really I would.

Other people always want to talk about it though.

Picture the scene. You're in a bar. Its a Friday night and you are not on call. You want to get a bit merry because you haven’t had a weekend off for a long while. Your drinking away, not a care in the world.

Then you get talking to another punter. They ask what you do for a living. You panic. Tell them your a lawyer. The floodgates open.

They feel the need to ask you the ins and outs of every legal situation they can possible think of.

This usually starts with the highly original “how do you defend someone you know is guilty?” They then take a tour through all the legal issues they have ever had in their life from divorce to buying a house to suing their local kebab shop for food poisoning.

Then you get to the slagging off phase. They will invariably try to slag off all other lawayers they have ever instructed and will try to get you to agree that they gave the wrong advice/were in cahoots with the other side/were too expensive/ were too slow/ secretly sacrifice small children.

Then they try to undermine you. Put your legal knowledge to the test. They create situations and then quote their own verskions of the law at you. This I will call the legal degree from soapland. Its never correct. They want you to rise to the bait. To argue it out with them.

By this point I would quite like to tip the drink I have in my hand over their head.

You know that they will be slagging you off to the next lawyer that they meet. You will be reduced to their ridiculous attempts to undermine whatever it is that you have discussed.

Ive now become an expert in dodging this kind of scenario. There are various ways to do this. These I will list below;

1. Lie about your job. This will avoid all of the above. Of course you risk someone else dropping you in it at a later stage. The truth also has a horrible habbit of surfacing at the most inopportune moment.

2. Avoidance of the topic. Just repeatedly change the topic of conversation once you fear that it is swerving dangerously close to the employment area. This does carry the risk of making you look slightly manic. Also someone else can always come over and casually mention what you do, thus ruining all previous avoidance work.

3. Ignorance. When asked any legal questions, just say “I don’t know”. Do not be pushed to give any other answer. Of course you will come across as the most stupid lawyer ever.

4. Walk away. Lawyers are always thought of as rude. Why fight the image if it means you can have a quiet drink.

5. Raise your glass. Laugh a little and turn away. Polite. Implies you either didn’t understand the question or cant hear. Makes you look fun loving if a bit odd.

6. Inform them politely that as it is your night off you would really rather not talk about work.

Of course the last option is the most apporporiuate. After a few drinks however its not always the easiest to follow.

In the worst scenario, these questions can open the floodgates to a monosyllabic rant about the professions problems. This is most definitely to be avoided. If you do this you are playing into the hands of the public perception of lawyers.

People hammer lawyers. They go to town. They say we are responsile for all the bad things in the world. They are wrong. Generally this is not the case. I would like to be able to say that all lawyers do good for people and that all lawyers act in the best interests of their clients....

Of course there are some lawyers who aren’t as honest as the others but that's not an issue limited to this profession. There are always a few bad eggs. Im glad to say that the majority of lawyers I know show intergrity and honesty. This includes the ones that I dislke on a personal level.

What i dont want is to have to defend my profession when all i want to do is get tipsy and dance!

So if you see a haggard looking lawyer standing at the bar with a drink in hand please do not see it as an opportunity to berate them for all the wrongs of the legal system. Do not quote The Sun/Corronation Street/Jeremy Kyle as if they are the absolute in all things legal. Do not feel that you can just use them to access free legal advice and please don’t judge them by what you see on the television/hear at the pub.

Just walk away and leave them to enjoy a drink in peace.

Worry...

THE WORRY PEOPLE

I think a problem I have is that I worry too much. I always have. My mum says that I was born a worrier. That I used to frown a lot as a baby. My own baby does the same. I worry that she too will be a worrier.

I could worry for England. About anything.  Seriously anything. Even things which really are nothing to do with me whatsoever.

I worry myself silly if I don’t put the bins out the night before a collection to the point that I have to get up at 3am and put them all out in my PJs.

I can worry about things that effect other people and have no bearing on me, like a professional. This I think contributes to the bump theory.

 People like this attitude. If I worry about their problems then it means they have to worry about them all that little bit less.  A problem shared is a problem halved and all that. The thing is I have enough of my own things to worry about and I don’t need your worries as well. Especially if I can’t fix it.

Take my younger brother. I’ve spent my life worrying about him and his life. He spends no time worrying about that or anything else at all.

I worry about something that he has done/received in the post/ told me has happened/ is likely to happen/ may never ever happen in this universe or any other.

 I tell him what to do so that he can fix it/prevent it from happening/apologise/instigate damage limitation/go into hiding.

He does nothing. Does nothing whatsoever to fix it. I worry none stop. Slightly harass him  with phone calls to see if the advised action has been carried out. It never has.

 I do it for him. Every time. Without fail.

He knows he doesn’t need to worry about anything in his life as I’m already curled up in a ball in the corner praying for his soul. Ridiculous.

So when I have a slight knockback I take it badly. I know I do this. I just can’t stop. I’ve tried, believe me. I ve tried to block it out. Ive walked away when people start to talk about themselves and their problems. Ive stopped asking people if they are ok or whats wrong.

Then I got some “worry people”.

 They don’t work.

I did kind of believe they would. I don’t know why. They are just a bag full of very small people (6 women and 1 man – named Bob) –  why would they actually solve the problems of my life. But it was certainly worth a punt.

Essentially they are based on the “a problem shared..” theory....but for those of us who either don’t like talking to actually people about their problems or have no friends. I hope im the former. I really do. But I worry that maybe I’m the latter. Who knows. 

Anyway you are supposed to tell the wory people your troubles and then put them under your pillow. in the night they take your troubles away and you can breath a worry free sigh of relief in the morning.

This made me worry about several things;

a) will i crush the poor wee worry people with my larger than average head?

b) will i freak out of i wake up and they are running around my bed?

c)will someone overhear me off loading my concerns and think i have actually fallen into the abyss of insanity once and for all? 

AS you can see they created a lot more things i needed to worry about. For that reason Ive decided not to use them. At least for now.  

Bumping along...

BACK WITH A BUMP

This is not about pregnancy... I promise...at least not directly. Its about being happy. Really really happy. Smiling about everything. Looking at yourself n the mirror and just grinning because you love your life. Thinking that this feeling will last forever.....then bang...its gone!

This happens to me all the time. You think its all good. You think it wont change and just like that the universe switches tacks and your left wondereing how it all went so wrong so quickly.

Today has been an odd day....good and bad...why is it that when you think “im so happy I could burst”, something actually does come along and burst your bubble. Then you come freefalling back down to reality with an all mighty thud. At least the bump to the head brings you back to your senses.  You cant be that happy surely?

Today was just like this. A lovely morning. Such glee. Then bam. No warning just BAM! And that's it, you forget your good mood and all you can think about is the bad stuff.

Sure its not terrible. In the grand scheme of things its not really that bad at all. More of an annoyance than anything else. My problem is this. What right does anything have to ruin my good mood? I don’t go out of my way to ruin other peoples good moods. In fact I enjoy them too. Or try to at least.

There should be a rule. Some kind of cosmic ruling rather where no one can upset you when you are in a really good mood. That they have to leave you alone. Cushion any bad news. Treat you carefully. Gently. With respect for your happiness of mood.

Of course this will never happen. Some people enjoy ruining your good mood. They want to drag you down to their level. Its he “if im in pain emotionally, then so must you be” . I hate that attitude. Life is so much easier with a smile on a face. Even if its not a full on grin. Always look on the bright side of life and all that...

"The why me??" culture is amazing. Why not you? Did you do anything to improve the situation? Did you try to change things? Or did you just sit there and expect everyone else to do it for you? Yeah I thought so its the latter.

That's fine if that's how you want to live your life.....just do not try to drag me down with you.

So im going to take my smile, my laptop and a big glass of pimms. That's sure to put a smile back on my face!

Brattish behaviour...

Brats

I like some children I really do. You probably wont think it when you have read this entry but its true. I especially like my daughter and for that reason I will never let her act in the manner that I have witnessed some children acting. Its ultimately the parents fault if their child acts like a brat after all.

I was out the other day for instance and there happened to be a childrens party going on nearby. I had my baby with me so as I chatted with my friends she was looking round and generally taking an interest in the children who all seemed to be having a good time.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw a rather overweight child. I don’t say this lightly but he must have been clinically obese. He was a big boy. The following dialogue then took place.

MOTHER:  No JimBob * you cant have another cake, youve already had four.

JIMBOB: But I WANT one.

MOTHER: well you cant and that's that.

JIMBOB:  (screams at an ear piercingly high volume right in his mothers face.....for so long...he actually went red in the face....the whole area went silent...my baby cried....)

MOTHER: oh ok then, go and fetch another one then

(*Jimbob is clearly a made up name....its from the Waltons and not this real life scenario....i cant even remember this boys name...i was too shocked to register anything)

What?? I swear I felt like telling the child off myself. But obviously that is socially and morally unacceptable. Why would the mother give in to that kind of behaviour? Worse than that though she seemed to think that it was in some way amusing. It really wasn’t. It made my baby cry.

I belive that children really learn by example. Thus if the parents are not respectful of others or have the notion that you can always just get what you want, then so will the child. You cannot expect that a child knows how to behave. They really have to be taught. That kind of behaviour should have resulted in the child being told that not only could he not have a cake right then but in fact he could not have any cakes for a whole week. We would have also left the party immediately an he would have been sent straight to bed. I would have also made him run up the stairs....

Of course I say this now but when it comes to it I suppose its a different matter to see it through.

What really gets to me though is the reaction of the mother.  What was at all amusing about this situation. Its embarrassing. Sure I know people laugh when embarrassed, this wasn’t that kind of laugh. This was an I don’t care kind of laugh. She really was indifferent to the whole thing and that's what suddenly made her parenting seem so bad. Judgmental or not. She condoned her childs poor behaviour by an acceptance laugh. What example is that to set?

Another example of the way in which your attitude affects your child comes from an encounter I witnessed between a man and a young girl. I think he was probably her step father. He certainly didn’t seem confident enough to instill the same level of discipline which you would hope a father would.

The girl said that she wanted some sweets and she wanted them now. He told the girl that she would need to go home and tidy her bedroom and then she would receive some sweets as a reward for her good behaviour. The girl refused. She wanted the sweets now. She did not want to tidy her room. He told her that she couldn’t expect to get something for nothing. That she had to work before she would be given what she wated and that that was how life worked. No she replied, it was not.  Mummy doesn’t work and she always gets what she wants.

There are no words.